15th Anniversary: A Poem by Xanadu Roque

Written by Xanadu Roque, T1D Support Guide at Blue Circle Health

Today marks our 15 year anniversary.
Here’s to my longest, craziest and most stressful relationship. 
You’ve threatened my life on multiple occasions, 
are the source of my mood swings, 
literally give me highs and lows 
and have begun your slow decomposition of my body. 

I’ve spent endless nights crying because of you, 
but I haven’t been so innocent myself. 
I’ve screamed at you, tried to get rid of you, 
ignored you, abused you 
and blamed you for the bad things that happen in my life.

I feel your aches in my heart, 
your burning in my feet, 
your searing pain in my eyes 
and your exhaustion in my spirit. 
I sometimes let your poisonous thoughts creep into my soul, 
making me feel vulnerable, scared and undeserving. 

I didn’t ask for you to be with me but you didn’t either. 
I want to say I’m sorry. 
I didn’t mean all the bad things I said. 
I don’t hate you, for you’ve helped me grow. 
I don’t want you to go away, for it weren’t for you, 
I wouldn’t know what it is to struggle and appreciate the small things in life. 

I realize now I should have nurtured you from the beginning.
I should have paid attention to your cries. 
I can’t blame you for my problems, because you just needed me to be there. 
For years I decided against that…and for that, I am sorry. 
I’ve slowly come to terms with the fact that you’re a part of my life 
and I have to learn how to love you the way you needed to be loved 15 years ago.

Like tectonic plates colliding, we have caused an earthquake on my body. 
The aftermath has left its permanent damage but it doesn’t mean we have to abandon ship. 
t means that we have to work hard every day to clean up the mess and build a better foundation. 
It means we have to take charge of the situation 
and learn from our past to make our future better and stronger. 
It means that instead of putting up with you, 
I’ve decided to hold your hand and finally become one. 
Because who is Xanadu without Diabetes?